What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
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