just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
