That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
