No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Randomize
