I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
