ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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