Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
