i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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