It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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