My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
