From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
