shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
