You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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