Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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