Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
