and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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