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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
