You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
