So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
