I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
