After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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