So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
