Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
