I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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