I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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