some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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