my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Do vagina's smell?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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