May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
