loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
