I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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