look no pants
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
