Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
my liver is dry heaving
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
