dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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