DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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