I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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