She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
