I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
