Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
