ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
This toilet bowl is my home.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
