So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
