Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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