I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
