I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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