you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Randomize
