I like to think it a success when the cops are called
she woke up with a sticky ear
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
