Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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