Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Randomize
