I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You may now shotgun with the bride
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
