I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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