i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
